Hockeyhead

The Vancouver Canucks will have their team captain back just in time as Mats Sundin is shaking off some of his extended off-season rust.  Roberto Luongo has cleared himself to play , stating that he is 100%.  It’s a bit odd, not for a player to clear himself for action, but that he didn’t say 110%.  Regardless, the Canucks are almost set to make a serious charge at the Cup, and my fantasy hockey team is about to get really bad-ass.

Foolishness:

You can find Spongebob MacKenzie’s bio on the tsn.ca talent page .  This is incredibly ironic considering that MacKenzie has nil of said talent.  In a meager effort to drum-up some viewership, Canada’s sports network “hockey insider” is insisting that the “potential” exists for Vincent Lecavalier to go to Montreal in a trade.

Are you fucking kidding me?  I wonder what system of measurement Bob is using to calculate this so-called potential.  Realistically, doesn’t potential exist for just about any trade to happen in the NHL?  Let’s see; you need two teams (check), zero no-trade clause (check, until July 1), and you need a media outlet starving for attention and desperate enough to fuel a rumour mill.

Ok, I agree then… there is potential.

There’s also potential that the entire 1987 Canada Cup winning team comes out of retirement and joins the Phoenix Coyotes in an effort to save the franchise and help their old buddy Wayne Gretzky out.

Take a look at this excerpt of typed diarrhea:

So what’s likely to happen next is that Lecavalier is, at some point in the very near future, going to make clear to the Lightning one of two things.

He’s going to say: I don’t want to be traded. I want to stay in Tampa.

Or he’s going to say: I would welcome a trade to Montreal or (fill in the blank).

If it’s the former, that’s going to chill the trade scenario greatly because it would be a terrible message to send to the Lightning fans if the Bolts traded Lecavalier after he said he didn’t want to leave. Good luck with that marketing plan. And how eager is any team going to be to trade for Lecavalier if they know he doesn’t want to play for them?

There are a number of indicators that signal that this entire idea exists only in Mr. MacKenzie’s head, let’s examine a few:

1. Pure speculation is denoted in the first line of the excerpt; “likely to happen”, and “very near future”.
2. Spongebob is now speaking as Vincent Lecavalier, and assuming that the Lightning star can only say two things (both being very short statements).
3. Spongebob believes that Lecavalier would welcome a trade to Montreal, or slip the Lightning brass a note that allows them to “fill in the blank”.
4. Lastly, MacKenzie refers to “Lightning fans” when it is clear that they don’t have any.

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SL